My folks headed back to the Wilds of Maine ™ today, capping off a week’s visit for The Minion’s graduation.

Now that The Minion has officially finished high school, her college has been chosen, and scholarships sorted out, we’ve finally arrived at the end of the non-stop, hectic race that has dominated things here at home for the past 6 months or so.

Sunday was the graduation ceremony — held in the air-conditioner-less Allen Fieldhouse at the University of Kansas….on a day when the temperature *and* the humidity were both in the upper 80s. UGH. Fine, as these sort of things go — Pomp & Circumstance, redneck Yee-haws and airhorns from the parents of the few kids who have, apparently, reached the end of their schooling (and will no doubt become solid Republican voters), but worst of all: The speech from school board president Linda Robinson.

Not only did she *literally* say that the most important decision now facing the graduates was the choosing of a mate (no, I’m not kidding — I wish I was), but her “let me talk to you for a minute” speech lasted FIFTEEN rambling, over-long minutes in sweltering heat. By 2/3rds of the way through, parents and grandparents all over the hall were giving her “wrap it up” catcalls and pre-emptive, prompting applause. She was oblivious, and soldiered on to the agonizing end.

Here’s a clue, honey: We weren’t there to listen to YOU.

Plus: CHOOSING A MATE??? That’s what you have to say to an award-winning, record-breaking graduating class (more National Honors Society members and National Merit Scholars than in any previous class, etc.)? CHOOSING A MATE?

Of course, Robinson herself is an ex-sorority-girl, and obviously got *her* “MRS” degree (married to the top Doc at Lawrence Memorial’s emergency room), so I guess that’s the advice she considered appropriate.

Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick.

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