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That Stupid Bint In Today’s Salon…

A few folks have emailed and IM’d me, asking about my impressions of the lead story in today’s Salon.com: The Confessions of a Semi-Successful Author, in which the psuedonymous “Jane Austen Doe” (ugh.) whines incessantly about her misfortune of having only made somewhere north of $255,000 over the past 10 years of her writing career. (Probably significantly more, since she admits to having ghost-written a best-selling celebrity bio, but doesn’t tell us how much she was paid.)

Poor fucking baby.

Aside from the mediocrity of the writing in this particular whine-fest, the one thing that struck me as I read this article is that the author is a grade-A idiot when it comes to business sense and marketing. The most glaring example: Despite the fact that she says that she’s burned bridges with the two largest publishing conglomerates already, she writes this article for Salon under a psuedonym.

Hell, I’m a hack writer for a niche speciality market, and even *I* know that if you’re facing closed doors at the two biggest houses, you’ve got nothing to lose by using your real name…and by using her real name, she could’ve gotten a significant spike in sales from well-wishing, sympathetic readers clicking-through to her books on Amazon. The publicity surrounding her name and the spike in sales might’ve even been able to serve as a selling point to get her further book deals through smaller publishing houses looking for any angle they can to increase their shelf-share.

But no. Instead we get, as Warren Zevon once sang: “poor, poor, pitiful me.”

This poor dear even now has to get a (*gasp!* Shock! Horror!) DAY JOB!!!

Won’t somebody help this poor woman?

GMS

GAMA Trade Show Wrap-up

“That plan lacks the quiet dignity of the Cheese Sombrero.”

“I have this guy who lives in my basement who drives a Zamboni.”

“Toronto in the Hizz-oose!”

“I know that civilization is crumbling, but do we have to flaunt it?”

“PEACE. I hate the word, as I hate Hell, and all dumb hippies.”

“It’s like the all-you-can-eat buffet of Conspiracy Theories, and everybody is crowding the Deviled Egg/JFK Assassination table.”

“She said she was an ‘unemployed cocktail waitress.'” “Is that anything like an ‘unlicensed masseuse?'”

“It looks like somebody set off a Paris-and-Nicki-Hilton Bomb in there.”

“Did I just say “eh”?”

“GenCon Barcelona? I dunno…I don’t speak Spanish.” “That’s OK. They speak Catalan.”

“Would you like some sex on a roll?”

“GAMA on ICE! The Geek Capades!”

“You stayed in until Fifth Street with a fucking 10-2 off-suit? What the hell are you thinking?” “I’m thinking that I’m taking all your money.”

“What do you recommend as health insurance and retirement benefits for freelancers?” “A spouse with a good job.”

“…and, as appropriate for a freelancing seminar, he’s late.”

“I’ve got a better proposal: don’t fuck with my branding, and I won’t bounce a lead pipe off your skull.”

“GURPS Fourth Edition….Hold For Applause….”

“Sirens of TI, or as I like to call it: Yo-ho-Ho’s.”

“The Riviera is skuzzier. I mean it’s “old hooker Vegas.” Stretch-marks and inch-thick makeup.”

“You can’t succeed if you don’t try.” “True, but I also can’t fail if I don’t try, so there’s a nice little bit of symmetry there.”

…and that was the GAMA Trade Show.

GMS

Signing Off Until Friday….

I’m headed out to Vegas tomorrow for the GAMA Trade Show, and will be back on Friday.

This year should be interesting. Not only am I busier than I have ever been at a GTS (covering marketing duties for two seperate clients, as well as trying to line up some future freelance work for myself), but there promises to be political highjinx a-plenty, as a concerted effort is being made by a group of industry pros (headed by Ryan Dancey) to take down the current GAMA Board and their proposal for a new set of by-laws.

GMS