Author: Gareth

TO: Gareth
FROM: Your Abdominal Muscles

Just an important note: Kicking off your new gym membership is a good thing.

Doing cardio on a stationary bike, followed by a Nautilus circuit, is also a good thing.

However, jumping right in and setting the Crunch machine to 110 lbs, when you haven’t done any gym work in over a decade, is a bone-headed maneuver of the highest order. Yes, you can still do the set. However, in return, here’s some lovely screaming agony from us to you.

Cheers, dipshit.

A psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University has devised a mathematical formula to describe the perfect female posterior.

(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry. S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness. V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

It’s all scientifical. (Nods sagely.)

A couple of things that caught my attention this morning:

Phone-Jamming Scheme Designed To Prevent N.H. Dems From Voting Tied To White House…
Wow. Republicans involved in questionable election-day tactics that may or may not be illegal. Color me shocked.

Christians Sue For Right To Be Intolerant…
As Bill Maher said: “When you run all three branches of government, it’s a bit of a stretch to claim that you’re persecuted….”