Formulating the Perfect Ass

A psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University has devised a mathematical formula to describe the perfect female posterior.

(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry. S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness. V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

It’s all scientifical. (Nods sagely.)

12 Replies to “Formulating the Perfect Ass”

  1. “Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors,” he said.

    This man is obviously smoking crack.

    While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue’s pert symmetry more agreeable.

    On what planet would that be true? Seriously. Are Brits really that fucked up? Or just this one?

  2. Sadly, I think this is not a joke, but an example of the long-standing tradition of the “Dotty English Nutter.”

  3. wow… are you on a mission to make my day worse? I just read your other post… man, talk about blowing a gasket on the outrage-o-meter! Not only an article about some ass trying to make sexist body-images and the culture of anti-women’s bodies more acceptable by deciding it’s about science AND some fucking Christians who think their right to talk hate speech are more important than some gay kid’s right to get an education free of harassment and beatings and fucking DEATH.

    GRrrrrr arrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  4. ok. I just reread my comment and wanted to be clear that I’m not actually mad at you. Just mad!

    just nashing my teeth in everyone’s general direction today…

  5. That’s OK. I wasn’t worried.

    Now, if you showed up this afternoon with a baseball bat…..THEN I’d be worried. :)

  6. If, using the Moreau method, one combines the genetic structures of the common mule and the Vidalia onion, one generally gets poor and unpredictable results. But, if proceedures are followed to the letter, one gets a sweet ass that will bring tears to your eyes! (Results are gender independent.)

  7. Most British men like Lopez-arse-shaped arses, I believe. Loaded magazine did a survey, and most men voted for “big, like a woman” for preferred arse shape.

  8. I am not sure if I should be disgusted, or go look for a measure tape and my HP Scientific calculator bought for that college calculus class (that is in my briefcase just in case I need geek cred on an appointment…because I am so sad that way.)

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