KCRF 2007: First Wee— Oh, Wait. I’m Not Performing.

I had decided that the combination of a Doctor’s no-no and an Entertainment Director’s theft of an act would preclude me from attending KCRF at all this year. I felt no need to immerse myself in depression and anger. Then we got the Wedding Invitation.

So, Sunday, I went, for the latter part of the day, leading up to Susi and Bruce’s wedding. The wedding was lovely, and I was honored to be present.

Wish I could say the same about the rest of the day.

It was hard. It really was.

I thought that I had left it behind me with some relative degree of resignation, but no — it hit me far harder than I wanted it to. The constant reminder that I’m not there, performing, revelling in the surroundings.

There was a moment, after the weddng, when I was sitting on a bench at the site, and night had fallen. The air was cooling, and filled with the sound of crickets. It was after closing cannon, and the site was filled with the sound of performers, tired but filled with joy. I was struck by how many times I had done this very thing, sitting after close, surrounded by the “feel” of the place in an almost meditative state, since I started there in the mid-80s.

Even worse was seeing people I knew, only to be met with “patron glaze” — where they’d see only some guy in street clothes. Sometimes, I waved until they realized that it was me. Most times, I simply let them pass. Awful experience.

Let me explain — as I’ve already said to some of you, after getting the initial diagnosis in January, I’ve felt vaguely detached ever since. This year has had the disconcerting feeling of being somehow unreal, almost dreamlike. Time passes in varying speeds, and I feel separate from everything. I don’t know why, but I wish it would stop.

Being in a massive crowd of people, and being looked over as if I’m not even there by people I know well…..well, that just hit all of the “separate and detached” buttons. It was like a little nightmare, every time. The entire day, I was in a place that had felt like Home to me for years, but I felt removed from it. Separate.

I won’t be coming out again. I can’t.

Doctor Who Skipping a Year

The BBC have announced that Doctor Who will be having a Fifth Season, but that it won’t appear until 2010. They’re skipping a year in 2009 — although during that year, there will be three Specials (I’m betting Easter and Christmas for sure, but who knows about the third — Summer, maybe?).

The Specials WILL feature David Tennant as the Doctor. So that’s good news.

On the surface, this looks to be a good thing — basically, it allows for Tennant to do his stint with the Royal Shakespeare Company, while only having to commit to three special episodes in 2009, and would allow him to come back in full in the Fifth Series in 2010.

Although, there has been no confirmation that he will be back in the Fifth. It’s entirely possible that he’ll do the Specials, and we’ll have a new Doctor for 2010. Who knows. I would tend to think that’s not going to be the case, since it appears at first glance that this schedule-juggling is largely for his benefit. If he was going to leave, I think they’d just have him replaced and be done with it, rather than taking a hiatus.

So — looking ahead, we’ve got the Christmas 2007 special (“Voyage of the Damned” is the title I’ve heard), then in Spring we’ll have the 13 episodes of Series Four, then a Christmas 2008 Special, then three specials in 2009 before a true Series Five in 2010.

It’s OK, I’ve lived through a hiatus before (the infamous 18-month gap announced in 1986, and then the period when there was no WHO from 1989-1996 and 1996-2005). Still though — no full season in 2009. Boo.