KCRF Fourth Weekend

We now are past the half-way point. Fewer performances ahead of us than behind.

The Good:

  • The amount of public and private support that I received from my fellow cast members, related to the issue that I’ll discuss in “The Ugly”, below. I saw very clearly how people feel about me, and it was very, very humbling.
  • The weather: Fucking PERFECT. Cool, crisp fall days with massive crowds.

The Bad:

  • Sadly, that’s all for the Good this week, because “The Ugly” loomed so large that I found it impossible to fully get into character and enjoy myself.
  • Having to cut “The Two Magicians” from Last Huzzah, because it was too bawdy.

The Ugly:

  • A bad night on Friday, which resulted in only getting two to three hours of sleep, followed by hearing the order to cut the “Two Magicians” upon my arrival to the site, resulted in me being a complete idiot and publicly criticizing that decision (and, therefore, the Director) in public, during the morning meeting. Not smart.

    As a result, I was Fired.

    No, I’m not kidding. I was told that I would not be allowed to perform any longer, at a Festival that has been a part of my life since I was 15….all because of my own stupidity. They let me stick around on Saturday because of my role in the Chess Match (which is fairly major, and hence not able to be instantly re-cast), and at the end of the day, I had a private meeting with the Director. I apologized, and asked to be given a second chance, since this was my first (and only, I promised) offense. I explained a bit of what I’d been dealing with. He asked me to make a public apology at the morning meeting on Sunday, which I gladly did.

    I truly regret fucking up the way I did, and let the cast know it in no uncertain terms. There were some in the cast who lauded me for saying what I had, but that really didn’t mean anything to me….there are always people who thrive on drama and are quick with the “you said what we’re all thinking and what needed to be said” bit. We all know that this is just smoke blown up my ass. The ones who approached me on Sunday saying that they were impressed by my owning my shit and apologizing meant far more to me, in the end.

    I screwed up, due to a combination of frustration and exhaustion. It wasn’t something to admire, or emulate, or anything that I’m proud of. In fact, I am ashamed that I lost control. I want to make this clear: The apology was not forced, or coerced, or done simply because it was required for my continued participation. It was offered because it was the right thing to do. I disrepected the Director, publicly. After 22 years of doing this, I should be professional enough to know that you just don’t do that. Ever.

    By the end of Sunday, it appeared that the entire drama will be forgotten, and we can concentrate on entertaining the patrons who come through the gates. I sincerely hope that this is the case.