Enough Drama, Thanks.

My ex-wife contacted me yesterday (always a joy) to inform me that my son, Ian, had to see a cardiologist, where it was discovered that he’s got an abnormality in his heart.

A bit of backstory: Ian was born with birth defects: the beginnings of extra fingers and toes, some very screwed up bone structure in his feet, and a fused cranium (which basically meant that his baby “soft spot” had already sealed over). It was one of the worst experiences of my life — you feel like it is somehow your fault. But, we spent the first year and a half of his life going to various specialists, and after a few sessions with plastic surgeons and one craniectomy (where they basically opened up his skull and “vented” it, so that it would return to a normal growth cycle), he was fine. He’s living a very normal life, and turned 11 in February.

I’ve always feared that as he grows older, he’s going to find out more things that weren’t quite right, and that’s pretty much what’s happened. They discovered a heart murmur, and went to the cardiologist for an echocardiogram. It showed that he has one valve that is abnormal. Whereas the usual heart valve looks something like three leaves that close together, his valve has two leaves, which means that the seal they create isn’t perfect, and he leaks some blood back from the valve — which is what causes the murmur.

The cardiologist told my ex that this isn’t life-threatening in any way….so thank the gods for that. Nor does the doctor think that this will require any long-term monitoring — Ian is a healthy, strong kid.

However, hearing this kind of news, I’m levelled yet again by the fucking sledgehammer that I’m not with him…..that this stuff happens and I find out about it after the fact. And, of course, I freak out about the possibility that it could have been much much worse….and that other things like this may lie ahead.

Naturally, right as I’m dealing with this, I get pulled again back into the drama that some of you are already aware of. Like I need that on top of everything else.

I feel like I’m fucking drowning.

12 Replies to “Enough Drama, Thanks.”

  1. My dear, my mother lived fully with a heart murmur for all of her life; didn’t discover it until she was in her 50’s, believe it or not. Now, she wasn’t horribly active due to her hip condition (born without a left him socket and had two hip replacements) but it didn’t curtail her life in any way.

    I know it is a killer not being near him when stuff like this happens, but hopefully that thought might ease it a bit…


  2. Oh, and I just clicked on the link. Dude, he’s a clone. I can totally see him with wildass hair and freelance gigs in his future.

  3. So very sorry to hear that life is loading on so very much to have to assimilate at one time.

    One can only imagine how difficult it is to have to be separated from your child. I am grateful that this particular problem is one that should not effect him long term. You fears, however, are wholly understandible.

    He seems a fine boy.

    The other will continue to involve you until you feel as though you have had some sense of resolution. May you be allowed that so that you can release what is binding you on that level.


  4. Sucks. The hits just keep on coming. For me, too. Fortunately, my extra drama that happened last night isn’t anything like this. I’m so sorry, Gareth.

  5. Ugh. Sorry to hear it, amigo–both about the heart murmur and about the drama.
    BTW–holy cow he’s gotten big! I remember when he was a newborn! Geez!

  6. Cute kid. I bet he’s got a hell of an arm.

    Not being a parent, I can’t imagine what this feels like. I’m glad to hear that the cardiologist had good news.

    Everywhere I turn there’s some kind of drama right now. You just keep paddling till the river gets calm again.

  7. Yikes! Glad it isn’t life-threatening, but sorry things are playing out like this. Wow, he takes after you! I remember when he was a wee one and managed (with his sister’s help) to completely coat and I in chocolate even though they each only had one piece. Now seeing that it is a trait that all small children have – chocolate multiplication. I hope the murmur won’t interfere with his football…looks like he enjoys it.

  8. My Dad has a heart murmur and just turned 81. It really isn’t life threatening. Although it is good to know.

    I am sorry for all, and I mean all, the drama that is up in your world. If it would help, imagine you are here, out on the balcony with me drinking something wonderful and breathing the fresh air.


  9. If the doctor doesn’t think the murmur is a problem then it probably isn’t. I’ve got one myself, and other than amusing my fellow students in biology it hasn’t had a negative impact on my life. (the teacher had them line up and listen to my heart with a stethoscope)

    Sorry life is amusing herself by knocking you around. Here’s a hug till she gets bored and moves on. [hug]

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